Human-style timestamps

gobbler/utils/human-time.php

+<?php
+    /*
+     * Humanized timestamps
+     */
+
+    function human_timestamp ($unix_timestamp, $now = null) {
+        if (is_null($now)) {
+            $now = time(); 
+        }
+        
+        $diff = $now - $unix_timestamp;
+
+        # ugly!
+        $number_to_alpha = array(
+            'zero', 'one', 'two', 'three', 'four', 'five', 'six', 'seven', 'eight', 'nine', 'ten',
+            'eleven', 'twelve', 'thirteen', 'fourteen', 'fifteen', 'sixteen', 'seventeen', 'eighteen', 'nineteen', 'twenty',
+            'twenty-one', 'twenty-two', 'twenty-three', 'twenty-four', 'twenty-six', 'twenty-seven', 'twenty-eight', 'twenty-nine', 'thirty',
+            'thirty-one', 'thirty-two', 'thirty-three', 'thirty-four', 'thirty-five', 'thirty-six', 'thirty-seven', 'thirty-eight', 'thirty-nine',
+            'fourty-one', 'fourty-two', 'fourty-three', 'fourty-four', 'fourty-five', 'fourty-six', 'fourty-seven', 'fourty-eight', 'fourty-nine',
+            'fifty-one', 'fifty-two', 'fifty-three', 'fifty-four', 'fifty-five', 'fifty-six', 'fifty-seven', 'fifty-eight', 'fifty-nine'
+        );
+
+        switch ($unix_timestamp) {
+        case ($now < $unix_timestamp):
+            return 'in the future (?)';
+            break;
+        case ($diff == 1):
+            # one second
+            return 'a second ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 60):
+            # less than a minute
+            return $number_to_alpha[$diff] . ' seconds ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 120):
+            # between a minute and two
+            return 'about a minute ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 3600):
+            # less than an hour
+            return $number_to_alpha[ceil($diff / 60)] . ' minutes ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 7200):
+            # between an hour and two
+            return 'about an hour ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 86400):
+            # less than a day
+            return $number_to_alpha[ceil($diff / 3600)] . ' hours ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 172800):
+            # less than two days
+            return 'about a day ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 604800):
+            # less than a week
+            return $number_to_alpha[ceil($diff / 86400)] . ' days ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 691200):
+            # a week an a day
+            return 'about a week ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 2764800):
+            # less than a month
+            return $number_to_alpha[ceil($diff / 691200)] . ' weeks ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 4579200):
+            # a month and three weeks
+            return 'about a month ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 33177600);
+            # less than a year
+            return $number_to_alpha[ceil($diff / 2764800)] . ' months ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff < 35942400):
+            # a year and a month
+            return 'about a year ago';
+            break;
+        case ($diff > 35942400):
+            return 'more than a year ago';
+            break;
+        }
+    }
+?>